Hello, it's Fatso.

April 27, 2010

Master cleanse – day 10!!!

Filed under: Diet, master cleanse, Uncategorized, Weight Loss — Tags: , , , — Fatso @ 9:23 pm

I DID IT! Who would have thought *I* would be able to abstain from eating for ten days??? Not a single person in the whole world. My friends have all said they couldn’t do it. But clearly, if I can, anyone can. I eat my feelings, people. So this means for the past ten days I’ve been wrestling control over that and I can confidently say that I’m definitely better. I remember the first few days and how difficult it was getting over the initial boredom/anxiety/stress/happy/sad cravings. The past couple of days have just been mellow. I’m LOVING IT. I don’t want to eat again. 😉 But seriously of course I will. I’m not anorexic, though the idea of losing serious poundage in a month is very appealing.


  1. I am way happier. That’s really weird to say, but I am. Even though nothing has changed in my life, I just feel more positive overall.
  2. I feel like I’m on the road to taking control of my emotional eating. Eat when I’m hungry. Eat when I’m hungry. Eat when I’m hungry. So far, that’s very minimal. The next few days I’m going to really pay attention to how it feels to be full (or at least satiated).
  3. I’m finally not tired, sick, headache-y. Physically, I look much better. The zits cleared up, allergic rash is gone. I even think my hay fever allergies aren’t as bad. Which is really weird and doesn’t make sense, but I haven’t been taking as many claritins as I was.
  4. Of course, I lose weight so immediately my confidence level is definitely raised. I now feel like I’m at a fighting weight. This cleanse was to help purify me, but also to help me get to realize that I need to take care of myself. And now that I look better, I have more motivation to get my fat ass to the gym.

No cons. Seriously. Now throughout the cleanse, I could easily have given you a laundry list. But in looking back, those trials and tribs were worth it. I feel really, well, clean.

So I’m ready to start back up tomorrow. I picked up some OJ and french onion soup. Not the gooey kind, but just the can of beef broth with onions. But I kind of feel bad about that choice now. Bc I really wanted to get started on my sort-of vegetarian lifestyle. But I don’t want to waste money, so I’ll finish the two cans I bought, but after that I’m just going to use veggie broth and cook my own onions to add.

Then on Thursday, I’m going to move on to heartier soups. Then Friday, hamburgers! Pizza! Ha, just kidding. I love love love sushi and Indian food, so I’m toying with preparing something. I make vegetarian sushi rolls all of the time on my own and I buy the curries to put over rice. I just don’t know which I want to do! Ahhhh, I love these kinds of decisions.

Thank you bloggity. I really feel this blog helped me document and get through the past couple of days. I hope to continue writing about my HEALTHY lifestyle and use this as tool to measure my success! (I know, I’m a little too chipper right now. We’ll see what happens when I finally do cave in to pizza.)


April 26, 2010

Master cleanse – day 8, 9

Filed under: Uncategorized — Fatso @ 8:44 pm

Yesterday was pretty unremarkable. Except i did notice i no longer have headaches! Those weren’t killer, but they were definitely inconvenient.

Today was my second to last day. Yay! I’m 99% sure I’m going back to food after this.

1. I’m scared of losing too much weight and then gaining it all back. Right now I’m 159.8. that’s about 12 lbs. I want to be able to keep this off so i think i need to get back on my healthy eating and exercising. At this point i think the weight is falling off bc I’m no longer as toxic as i once was and my body is finally focused on targeting fat. So hopefully that will continue once i incorporate the right diet.

2. I can’t do the salt flush. I’ll throw up. That salt is way too strong now. Did anyone else encounter that?

3. I don’t want to do herbal laxatives anymore. It’s an alright replacement for the salt flush, but yuck.

4. I’m done with the lemonade. It is taking all of my power to finish the 60 ozs everyday. I’m not hungry and I’m sick of the taste. But I’m trying to drink it all to make sure i get as many calories as possible so it won’t be such a shock when i eat again.

So yeah, I’m not going for the 21 days. That was a tough decision. I’m easily seduced, so with this massive weight loss I’m kind of wanting to do it, but I know it’s not maintainable. 😦 so I’m going to do it the right way.

On to my last day! I can’t wait. I’m going to plan all my post cleanse meals. Yeah!

April 25, 2010

Master cleanse – day 7

Filed under: Uncategorized — Fatso @ 10:28 am

I’m a little late writing this but I’m happy to report I didn’t mess up and eat! Yesterday was hard bc I had my friend’s birthday party. We had a party bus and unlimited booze. I was so scared that I would eat bc everyone was and it would be awkward, or simply that my willpower would be compromised. I drank my lemonade, I drank a lot of beer, and I was ok.

Granted, I know I shouldn’t be drinking and I’ll probably pay for it later. But I just want to tell everyone you can be social and still be ok on the cleanse.

April 23, 2010

Master cleanse — Day 6

Filed under: master cleanse, Weight Loss — Tags: , , , , — Fatso @ 10:07 pm

Today was a little tougher. Definitely tougher than any other day. Today was the first day I think I was hungry. I’ve been splitting my daily lemonade into two nalgene bottles (no reason other than convenience) and by 11 am I’d had my entire first bottle. AND my stomach was growling during meetings all day. And after work I thought about food a lot. I live in a city, so I pass by take outs on every corner. Burger, pizza, Mediterranean, Italian, more pizza, pizza, pizza. Today was the first day I actually contemplated just eating. What’s the big deal? I thought. I kind of had to talk myself down. Not great.

So then I got home and tried to just stay busy. And that worked. I talked to a friend for awhile, cleaned a little, went online, etc. But then I got bored of even that. So I decided to work out. I walked fast on the treadmill with some 3lb weights in each hand. I did that for 30 mins. I felt great!  Working out totally erased all the negative feelings I’ve had all day. And I didn’t feel weak at all. Granted, I probably wasn’t really exerting myself, but from other accounts I’ve read, they say you shouldn’t work out at all. Well, I was fine. I wasn’t dizzy or light-headed. I felt normal. So I probably burned about 30 calories walking fast, but whatever. At least I got my heart pumping for a bit.

Tomorrow is going to be my really tough day. My friend’s birthday party. I’m definitely going to be drinking alcohol. I kind of don’t want to right now bc I’m so strong and healthy but social protocol insists. All I’m aiming for is to not gorge and undo the past 6 days of cleansing.

So since today was kind of a bad day, I think I’m sticking with the 10 days. BUT…if the next few days go well who knows! Oh, and btw I weighed myself today and I’m at 164.4. Yay! That’s almost 8 lbs. But that’s really all water weight. I’m going to have to be really careful after the cleanse so I don’t balloon up again.

April 22, 2010

Master Cleanse — Day 5

Filed under: Diet, master cleanse — Tags: , , , , , , — Fatso @ 8:36 pm

Holy cow. I’m halfway through. I’m doing great, people! I feel tighter, lighter, aware, responsive, and together. Last night I watched a bunch of youtube videos of people on the cleanse. It’s so inspiring. One person that I watched ten videos of is Abstigator. I’m not sure how she’s doing now…she promised to keep doing vids. But, the point being is it was really interesting watching her transition from 1-40 days. I think watching them helps me see that there are others like me who came from piglet backgrounds, or are simply looking to refresh the body. Anyway, it’s pretty cool and if you’re interested go to youtube and type in master cleanse. You’ll then lose the next three hours of your life.

Today was a great day. I feel like I’ve never been busier at work, yet I’m sharper and more focused than ever. Who knows if it’s the cleanse, it’s psychosomatic, or what. Whatever. I like the results and I’m 99% sure it’s the cleanse. I mean, now my mind and body can focus on other things rather than food. Before, my days consisted of thinking of food, planning my next meal, how much I spend on food, what I want to eat, what am I craving, etc. Now, I’m just living. Nice.

I’ve started to plan my coming off of the cleanse. I’ve been thinking about going mostly vegetarian. I say mostly because I am a serious foodie. I will eat almost anything bc I love gourmet food cooked all different ways. So unless I’m at an expensive restaurant or my family (who are all gourmet chefs) are cooking, I won’t eat meat. Who knows, maybe after awhile I just won’t want meat ever again. It’s not that I crave meat, I’m just keeping my options open for the future.

In fact, when it comes to cravings, I really miss fruit! I desperately want a strawberry, a banana, pineapple, apples, oranges…mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I miss you fruit! I also think about crunching on celery and carrots, the earthy dirty goodness of beets, popping pees, lima beans, yum! Ok, I’m getting carried away but I miss fruits and vegs! Now the crazy part is my old cravings like pizza or burgers really aren’t holding a candle to what I want now. I’ve been fantasizing and becoming excited about my old weight watcher dieting habits, or lifestyle that first time I lost 30 lbs. I am looking forward to eating my egg whites, veggie burgers, steamed vegs. I ate so well back then and now that my body is cleansing I’m sensing that my body really liked it when I was taking care of her. Go figure.

So I’m halfway done! But… I’m thinking about going 21 days. They say 3 weeks is all it takes to make or break a habit. If I can last to 21, I think I will be a changed woman. But I’ll cross that bridge on day 10. I’m just putting it out there that I might try.

On another note, since I haven’t eaten solid food in 5 days, I think my taste buds are on fire. I can’t do the salt flush anymore. That water almost made me throw up tonight. It’s sooooo so salty! I can’t take it! I can’t believe just a few days ago I thought it was ok. OMG, I can’t stand it. Now, I’ve been doing the 1 Tbsp to 1 Liter. I think I’m going to shrink down to 2tsp to 1L. Especially bc I don’t need as much flushing anymore…if you get my drift

Anyways, I’m halfway done (or almost 1/3 of the way done)!

April 21, 2010

Master cleanse — day 4

Filed under: Diet, master cleanse — Tags: , , , , , — Fatso @ 8:03 pm

Thank goodness for the nice commenter onehorsefarms. She let me know that it’s not just me that isn’t hungry. She said that the cleanse is great for helping people see the difference between actual hunger and the psychological craving to TASTE food. GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLL, you said a mouthful. I am definitely learning that I am not nearly as hungry as I think I am. (Go figure.) I’m also learning how to entertain myself without turning to food. I”m one of those people that complain bc I’m always so busy and I always have so much to do. But I never do it. I love to sit on my fat ass and pig. And then complain some more. NOT ANYMORE. I’m not going to have dinner (or, at least I’m sipping on it.) So I should probably clean the refrigerator like I’ve been meaning to for the past two weeks. There’s a spot on the tile I’ve been meaning to clean for 3 days. All of this is done. I’m working, accomplishing things. I tell you, I actually feel like I’m doing more at work. I don’t need as many “breaks.”

So like the days before, I wasn’t hungry. I was fine. There were a couple of moments of my stomach growling, which is embarassing during meetings of course. But it’s definitely manageable. Suck back some more lemonade. I’m surprised about the lack of growling though. Before, my stomach howled like clockwork at 12pm on the dot. And then I’d generally eat at my desk while working until 5. Just picking and snacking all afternoon long. But, my stomach isn’t really growling that much. It’s like it knows, so what’s the point?

Let’s talk about the benefits. Physically, my allergic rash is totally cleared up and no longer itchy. My pimples??? I’m happy to report I’m pretty clear! I mean, definitely nothing new, and the old ones are sunken into nothing. I didn’t even use concealer today. Amazing! Now in full disclosure, the pimples are the result of a hormone imbalance I have for which I am taking meds. I’m normally acne-free. But. I’ve been on those for over 4 months and still wasn’t clear before the cleanse. So I’m not saying it’s the cleanse that freed my face, but I can safely say it certainly didn’t hurt. In terms of weight, I’m 168. I don’t know what I expected — a pound a day? But yeah, the weight is just hanging on. But whatever, that was only a side effect I was looking forward to, not expecting.

Mentally, I feel much more…aware. I’m not as sluggish I think. At work, for the first time, I actually felt accomplished when I left tonight. It’s not really that today was any different than any other day. But I feel as though I finished more tasks and worked more efficiently. As if I’m cutting through the fat (ha!) and getting to the meat of what I need to do.

However, I am tired. Now I am a die-hard coffee drinker and have been every single day for the past 15 years. So quitting coffee cold turkey was/is rough. So is it the lack of coffee that’s making me tired? I don’t know. But after this is over, I’m definitely going back to coffee. I know the caffeine is bad, but if that’s my only vice (oh, wait. I like to drink, too) then I’ll survive.  I miss it. So that leads to…

Confessions. I’ve been drinking decaf coffee starting Day 2. How could I not? I realize it’s totally psychological, but I need a cup of hot, acidic, sharp, bold, strong, black coffee. It tastes good, clears my throat, makes me know it’s morning. I drink it until noon. So the decaf is cheating, but it’s compromised cheating so I feel ok. Also, I’ve chewed gum. I’m not sure I saw anywhere whether or not that was allowed but if it isn’t I’m still doing it. This no food thing is giving me stale breath by the afternoon so I have to otherwise I won’t have any friends.

So here it is, 9pm. And I’m tired. Like ready to go to bed and read before falling asleep. I hope it’s just my body adjusting to being so fresh and so clean clean. Bc otherwise I’m not going to be able to go out with friends anymore. I’ll be the old lady no one calls anymore.

Until tomorrow…

April 20, 2010

Master cleanse – Day 3

Ok, something’s wrong. I’m starting to think something is majorly wrong. I am not hungry. I haven’t been at all. They say the first 3 days are the toughest yet I haven’t encountered any problems. I find it really hard to believe that the last time I ate was Saturday night. It’s almost Weds am people. Maybe I should sign up for Survivor? Or maybe it’s just that I have unnecessarily large amount of fat stores??? I don’t know.

I’m had a moment of feeling hungry around noon, my normal lunch time. Swigged some lemonade. Felt fine. It’s really weird. Like, I feel like I’ve eaten today. I can totally imagine grabbing lunch, eating at my desk, working, etc. Right now, I imagine I’ve already eaten. I feel the same way now as if I’ve eaten all day. How is that possible? I’ve read tons of accounts of people being on this cleanse. They all have said the first few days were hard but then they achieved this zen-like state by the 5th day. WTF? Am I there? Or am I opposite? Will I start to fail around day 5?

Well, I already know I have to cheat this weekend bc it’s my friend’s bday. While I certainly won’t eat (why should I? Apparently, I’m never actually hungry.) I’ll definitely be drinking. However, if I drink too much, I may eat. I think I should just be careful. Gah! The social part while being on this cleanse is the hardest.

Again, there were tons of moments where I would have grabbed something to eat or wanted something to eat out of habit. But never have I had any moments where I’m really hungry. Yet. I’m scared. No headaches, no dizzyness, but I’m a little tired. I think that’s bc I’ve completely eliminated caffeine from my diet cold turkey. But I should be going to be around this time anyway since I get up around 6/630. Maybe my body is adjusting to what it SHOULD be doing??? Normally I’m up until 12 or 1, and I hate myself the next day and suck back 8 hours of coffee and the cycle continues. Interesting…

Well. Nothing much to add. This was a boring day. I’m drinking a ton. I’m also doing the salt flushes. Yes, they are as gross as they sound. Oh, and I weighed myself this morning and I was up a pound! How is that possible? I’m thinking water retention from the salt flushes. That has to be it. Anyway. On to day 4.

April 19, 2010

Master cleanse – end of day 2

Filed under: Diet, master cleanse, Weight Loss — Tags: , , , , , — Fatso @ 9:26 pm

Surprisingly, I wasn’t all that hungry. I expected to want to gnaw my arm off by now.

There were moments throughout the day where I thought about food, or more like, I had the impulse to pick up something to eat. Those were all tied to moments of BOREDOM. I am the worst eater and have the worst relationship with food. I don’t eat when I’m hungry. I completely and utterly eat my feelings. I hate work? Eat cheese fries. I’m fat? Eat a large pizza. I have nothing to do? Let’s make nachos! I love comfort food. I love greasy, cheesy, salty, sweet, gooey, decadent, carb-y food. It just makes me feel good.

And seconds after finishing (or even during most times), I feel like the disgusting grotesque pig that I am. And I regret and I hate myself even more. Which then makes me want to eat more because I’m disgusting anyway, so why not shove my face back into the trough?

That’s why I’m liking this cleanse. Every impulse to eat, chew, I yell at myself to chill out. That’s not possible right now. Go suck down some lemonade. And I do, and a few moments later I’m better.

Luckily I had meetings all day so I couldn’t go out for lunch. This turned out to be a good thing bc I was distracted with work and could focus on not eating and working. Then I worked late until about 8pm. Got home at 9pm. Even before I started this, if I got home after 9, I didn’t usually eat dinner bc I felt it was too late. So that wasn’t a surprise to my stomach. So today was a good day. I wasn’t starving. In fact, I was fine most of the time and able to control any urges. Right now I’m not even hungry.

Well, I did just drink about 32 ozs of salt water, so that might be why. I’m def not feeling the salt flush part of the cleanse, people. The salt water is gross. It’s not terrible and I’m not going to throw up, but I have to push myself to drink the whole thing.  I do 32 ozs water + 1 Tbsp of sea salt. That’s what I found on another master cleanse site. I drink mine lukewarm/room temp bc I think the salt dissolves more than if it were in cold water. It tastes just like chugging down endless gulps of sea water. It probably doesn’t help that I prefer it at the consistency I do. But I don’t think cold water would make any difference.

Anyway, long post short, I’m doing ok. I feel good, I feel strong, I feel lithe and thinnish. I’m excited to weigh myself tomorrow. Day 3 awaits. I have to give a presentation so I’ll be busy all morning until 1ish. Then the challenge will begin again. But I think I have meetings. Hopefully work will keep me busy these first five days.

Master cleanse — day 2 morning

Filed under: Uncategorized — Fatso @ 12:39 pm

Quick post: I woke up and weighed 167.2. Yeah! I feel ok. it’s almost lunch time and i have to go out with coworkers. I’m a little worried about that but i just gotta stay strong!

April 18, 2010

Master cleanse — End of day 1

Filed under: Diet, master cleanse — Fatso @ 9:47 pm

Sooooooooooo today was my first day on the cleanse, and I have to say, not bad! I’m satiated. I’m not full like last night where my stomach hurt, and I’m not starving. There was one moment today where I felt a hunger pain, but then I chugged some of the lemonade and moved on.

DISCLAIMER: As an FYI for experimentation purposes, in my research I chose to follow Master cleanse secrets dot com. I don’t advocate any one site, or book, or whatever. This was just the first search result I encountered when I google’d the recipe. I most certainly am not advocating this cleanse for anyone other than me. You should always consult a doctor before doing anything, blah blah blah. Essentially, I’m not responsible or liable if you mess this up and hurt yourself. My stupid ramblings and musings and thoughts on this blog are just my opinions and experiences only.

I woke up around 7:30. I was pretty good all morning bc on the weekends, I generally wake up later and usually skip breakfast. But today was like a work day, and come 1 pm-ish, I definitely felt a hunger pain or two.  I chugged some of the lemonade and it actually worked. This is such a mind game. Every time I want to eat or think about food, I cut myself off and go, “Not possible. Shut it.” I know I’m ridiculous. There are starving people in Ethiopia who’ve gone DAYS without eating and I’m moaning about 6 hours? But I’m American and I’m fat and food is constantly on my mind. Sorry.

That said, I followed the recipe from Master Cleanse Secrets.  You can read all about the benefits and what that person did there. Here’s what I did.

This morning I made half of a day’s serving.

30 ozs distilled water
3 lemons
6 Tbsp grade B maple syrup
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper

That’s it! I shook it up and voila! They say to use 1/10 tsp cayenne pepper per serving. So I should have done 3/10 tsp. Half seemed close enough. WRONG. DO NOT DO THIS. I nearly burned the back of my throat, and I have an extremely high tolerance for spice. Now, I didn’t tear up or anything, and I eventually drank the whole thing. But MAN was it spicy. I also found that the 6 Tbsp of maple syrup was a smidge too much for me. So when I got home a few minutes ago, I made another batch (I finished the first batch already.) This time I did:

30 ozs distilled water
The remaining 4 Tbsp of lemon juice from before + 1 add’l lemon
5 Tbsp grade B maple syrup
2 quick shakes from the spice jar of cayenne pepper.

THIS WAS MUCH BETTER. Next time, I might do 3 shakes, bc I think the spice actually made me feel full (you know, raising your internal body temp, etc.) but just 1 Tbsp less of the syrup made a big difference that I’m going to keep doing.

The whole day wasn’t bad. I feel good. Not starving, not hungry. Good. Well, maybe a hair beneath good. I’m excited to see how day 2 goes. They say day 2 and day 3 are the hardest, so I’m expecting the worst and hoping for the best.

I really hope I don’t fail at this. What sucks is of course this week is a major social week with tons of stuff going on with friends. So do I be honest and tell the close friends this is what I’m doing? Everyone else, I’m just going to say I don’t feel well. That always works. But if I tell the close friends, they’re going to say all the things they can to make me feel bad about trying to be healthier. “You don’t need to lose weight.” “You can’t not eat!” “You can’t starve yourself!” “You’re going to gain it all back.” “This is a waste of time.” “You can’t possibly do this for 10 days.”

Look, I know I’m not going to come out of this looking like Gisele Bundchen. BUT, I am going to finally clear out my insides of all the junk I’ve been shoving in there for the past year. Whether I lose 5 or 10 lbs (though I hope 10) is irrelevant. I mean it. I do ultimately have that general malaise, and the zits and rash on my neck has got to go.

Oh, and bonus? I’m getting my period this week. I really know how to plan things.

I might write tomorrow during the day if I feel super hungry, but otherwise see you for the recap tomorrow night.

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